Hanimator

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After spending twelve years serving in the Russian army as a mess hall table, Hannah was lucky enough to be used by a kindly old wizard who helped her to escape her physical confines & become a human being.

With the introduction of all the senses & her ambulatory status she travelled extensively throughout the high streets of Peckham, Pontefract & Rochester where she could frequently be seen banging metal dustbin lids together.

At her lowest possible ebb Hannah began working for a religious television station which led her to sell her soul to the devil for forty seven pence & half a bag of Maltesers. The devil in question turned out to just be a man wearing a red t shirt that said ‘I’m totally the devil’ on it. Hannah's fate was seemingly sealed into a lifetime of bad decisions. However unbeknownst to her, the man in the devil t shirt went on to use her soul to help fuel his already super fast sports car to win a race across Europe. The prize money was a gold top hat & the services of a teacher from a world renowned ladies finishing school. Having no use for the teacher and feeling guilty over his previous deception on a unsuspecting human & ex-mess table he immediately set to making reparations.

The teacher taught Hannah to eat using a knife & fork, & eventually turned her into a refined, highly employable, useful member of society. Her skill set is now vast & she is able to complete a multitude of tasks including the ability to walk & talk at the same time, doing all sorts of crazy stuff with computers & the all important competence to make a decent cup of tea.

Her teacher was also married to a warrior king so in her spare time Hannah studied under Logor the Smasher & has become extremely proficient in the use of battle axe, bow & sword, attaining level two decimator status in her first two years of training.

So if you need some wafty computer stuff done or want someone to lay waste to an entire town then Hannah is your girl.

Hire her. Or face her wrath.