Prof. Oddfellow

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I decided to see the world through rose-colored glasses. But I didn't read the warning label: "Caution. All red objects will seem to disappear. Prolonged use may cause headaches, eye fatigue, disorientation, and/or apathy."

In Alaska, I was the only one who couldn't see the Northern Lights.

In Australia, Mount Uluru was invisible.

In Bermuda, I got sunburned and didn't know it.

In Switzerland, the Matterhorn was fuzzy and bright pink. I felt a headache coming on, but I didn't really care. I finally took off the glasses and gave them to a milkmaid.

My final stop was the Grand Canyon. At sunset, the sky turned purple, the sun was orange, and the clouds were pink.

"My God!" I gasped. I had worn the rose-colored glasses too long. My eyes had stuck that way!

—Craig Conley
author of One-Letter Words: A Dictionary (HarperCollins) and Magic Words: A Dictionary (Weiser Books)
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