The Interview

Another Brief Conversation with the Planet Pluto
by David Neilsen

A couple of years ago, we caught up with the planet Pluto for a quick word on the occasion of its passing Neptune to once again become the farthest planet from the sun in the solar system. As Pluto is once again in the news, we are able to reach the celestial body for another chat.

Brunching Shuttlecocks: Hello there, Pluto, nice to see you again.

Pluto: Yeah yeah, hurry up. Time is money.

BS: Well, we're all abuzz here on earth with the discovery of 2001 KX76, do you have any thoughts on this historic occasion?

P: What discovery? You act like it hasn't been sitting here all along. I mean if you guys ever bothered to aim your damn telescopes out my way, you'd discover all kinds of floating junk out here. I've known 2001 KX76 for decades. Cocky bastard, never sends a Christmas card. What's the big deal?

BS: Well the big deal is that 2001 KX76 is being heralded as the largest minor planet in the solar system.

P: Really? From the way you guys treat me, I could have sworn I was a minor planet.

BS: No, no. You're a full-fledged planet. For now. But 2001 KX76 is the largest of the so-called 'Kuiper Belt Objects', which orbit the sun out past your neighborhood.

P: Yeah, there are a bunch of KBOs out there. Not the nicest things in space, let me tell you. Just as soon crash in to you as give you the time of day.

BS: There are some on Earth who think you ought to be classified as a Kuiper Belt Object.

P: Me, a damn KBO? Blow me! Your Mom's a KBO!

BS: Well, you would go from being the smallest planet to the largest KBO. Any joy in the big fish / small pond theory?

P: I'm a planet. Read me lips. Pla-net. You got a problem with that?

BS: I was just making a point.

P: I've got a point to make. Bite me.