About This Palette
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Bad Memory - I have a terrible memory for names. I forget essential info about people and then this leads me to be less talkative than I used to be. I have a fear of offending someone by not remembering what they had previously and recently told me. I have trouble remembering physical outdoor places that I have been to before as in rural geography, but not urbanscape. I get lost in the bush easily, so I always stick to the trails and always bring a compass. I always forget at least one thing when I go out the door and have to go back for it. Worried about early onset Alzheimer's Disease.
Duck Paddle - I try to look competent, and capable all the time. People comment on what grace, composure or dignity I have. I prefer to think of myself as overly stoic, yet at the same time I also have a habitual mindset of seeing the best in people often to my detriment. But if you could only see under the surface of the water, you'd see how hard I was paddling just to stay afloat and keep from drowning.
Wild Imagination - My imagination gets the better of me and I attribute negative things to something I must have done. I tend to catastrophize. Thinking that the worst thing has happened, despite my seeing the best in people. (People essentially good - world challenging). I worry a lot about little things, and ruminate about the past. I ask myself questions like: Did I remember to say thank you? Could I have handled that better? My self-esteem suffers as a result.
Dream World - I have a quirky way of thinking about the world. Sometimes I think the dream world manifests itself in my wide-awake state and have a strong sense of déjà vu. I also sometime think, my mind tells me things that are closest to the truth when I dream. So, if I dream that a person has done something "bad," then that colors my perception of them in real life. I sometimes make false associations between my dream consciousness and reality. I confront this cognitive distortion and ask myself, , "How likely is that to be true?" or I ask a close friend if something is "true" or not. So, because of this I am not a spontaneous person, I am a reserved and cautious person. Although spontaneity still does pop out of me from time to time, I am mostly solidly grounded and my head is not in the clouds.
Addictive Nature - I have been an addict. Many years since, I have been addicted to alcohol, cocaine, and other risk taking behaviours. I became clean as soon as I knew I was pregnant. I am no longer an addict, but can still become addicted if I give in to a temptation. I never do. However, I can become obsessed with particular interests. Presently it is colorlovers. I ration my chocolate addiction to approx 200 calories a day.
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poppy234
Mricha
o2bqueen
novabird
Brava to you for your courage in sharing so much of who you are and setting the example whereby others can feel encouraged to do likewise. I say again - - - Brava!
o2bqueen
novabird
albenaj, Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my palette. I guess when one openly and honestly expresses what makes them feel bad, that's it's bound to come off in a negative way for some people and that they will see my "bad" experiences as problems regardless. Yet, I still think that a wonderful thing about colorlovers is the chance we get to show sides of ourselves we do not normally express as much in the outside world. I think my palette describes a lot of things other people share in common and or experience, but don't commit to words either spoken or written because they are considered taboo or only shared amongst those closest to us.
My friends are great; they know about my weaknesses and eccentricities of being on the "quiet side," and they draw me out, or my very infrequently checking to see if things "might be true," and oftentimes they say to me you're right about that - there's that intuition of yours again ! We find time to do many things together; in the summer we swim, canoe, fish, hike, play tennis together, go to summer concerts. When the season opens I go with them to the symphony, and year round sometimes I go alone but I always visit art galleries and go to live, stage theatre productions. My friends are my balance to my wild imagination and they help to ground me and they help to affirm who I am. My daughter gives me an immense sort of pride in the absolutely wonderful human being she is.
Thank you albenaj for your sincerity of caring and concern. I probably would have responded exactly as you did, because in retrospect; rereading what I have written, I sound sort of lost in my own head and not connecting with people. Believe me I know the importance of having people in your life who know who you are. I need to make the "counter" palette to this one; one that describes my strengths; how I change my negative traits into positive ones and tells who I am as a whole person and rounds me out more.
novabird
Monishab
albenaj
novabird
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